Just say no!

Of course, the Aziz Ansari “date debacle” (or whatever it was) was not a workplace harassment situation. First, Mr. Ansari and his anonymous date were not co-workers. Second, Mr. Ansari may have been “forward,” but it doesn’t sound to me like he sexually harassed or assaulted her.

None of which is to deny that his behavior may have been genuinely offensive to her. If she was hoping for a relationship and he was looking for a quick score, then I can understand why she would have been disappointed and hurt.

But I have a hard time with this story. I, like many, can’t understand why she didn’t tell him to back off and leave her alone. Or just leave.

Maybe things really have changed a lot since I was dating age. I’m sure they have. Therefore, as a public service, I am providing 10 very old-fashioned, time-tested things you can say to extricate yourself from a guy who’s become too, er, amorous. They almost always work. (If they don’t work, then call the cops.)


1. RUN-OF-THE-MILL: “Oh, my, look at the time. I need to be at work early tomorrow, so I’ve gotta run. Thanks so much for the evening.”

2. THE “ANN LANDERS”: “Back off, buster, before I slug you with my purse. And it’s loaded.”

3. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY: “I won’t do any of that stuff until we’re married. Wanna get married?

4. THE OLD “LOATHSOME DISEASE” PLOY: “I meant to tell you earlier, but I was too ashamed — I have a loathsome disease.”

5. THE SILENT TREATMENT: [Say nothing; just slip out quietly while he’s in the bathroom.]

6. THE FAMILY CRISIS: “My aunt is sick.” (Actual excuse used once by my mother.)

7. THE LIBIDO KILLER: “You are the sweetest guy. You remind me of my little brother.”

8. THE STINK BOMB:  “Oh, no – I’m afraid my bowels are flaring up again. You do NOT want to be near me! Bye!”

9. THE BEST FRIEND:  [Plan in advance to have a friend call you with an “emergency” at 8:30 p.m. If the date is going well, let the call go to voice mail. If it’s going badly, you have an excuse to get out.]

10. THE “GAY” CARD: “Oh, I am so sorry for the misunderstanding. I thought we were just friends. I’m not attracted to men.”

11. BONUS REASON – THE TRUTH: “I don’t think this is going to work out. I’m going home.”

These work way better than “non-verbal cues.”


Which training method is of interest to you?


Which training method is of interest to you?

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